“Sounds like she is on the way to a great experience, the operative phrase here being, ‘on the way.’ Foreplay, check.LOTS of lube, check. Angela Jones told me when I presented her your conundrum just in case there was some condition I’d never heard about. “Slow and steady wins the race,” New York-based OB/GYN Dr. As far as your body not being designed to pleasurably accommodate something up your butt, it’s important to remember that the anal sphincter is a muscle that needs to be relaxed in order to accomodate anything. First of all, yes, yes it is! Your body is special and unique and carries with it all the experiences it has lived with you through, however your body probably isn’t that different from the rest of us, anatomically speaking. Let’s address what seems to be your primary concern - that your body is different than everyone else’s. As someone who’s not particularly well-versed in the anal sphere myself, I turned to experts who know the back hole much better than I do. There’s many things that could be going on here, and we’ll have to do a bit more digging to figure out what.

Take a moment to say thank you.įrom this place of compassion and holding space for your body exactly as it is right now - not wanting to change or shift it in any way that isn’t going to ultimately serve you - we can get right into the good ‘ol butt stuff. Your body is so capable and it has protected you and navigated you through so many experiences! You made a baby in that body and have loved in that body and have been through so much in that body. Close your eyes, put your hands on your belly, and breathe.

and I had kidney stones when 8 months pregnant and an epidural that didn’t work during pregnancy, so I feel I can handle some pain! Is it possible my body is shaped differently that I can’t handle anything too big without ripping, or hurting beyond any sense of pleasure?īefore you read any further, I want you to take a moment and thank your body. However even with prior play, lots of lubricant, and both my partner and I being VERY much in the mood for it, when they enter, the pain is so beyond what I can tolerate.

I was able to very much enjoy that, although sometimes intense. With both partners we engaged in very thorough foreplay that included anal play - orally, with fingers, and smaller plugs. Is it possible that my body is physically designed to not be able to comfortably experience anal sex? I’ve had 2 wonderful partners I’ve tried to engage in anal sex with, but the pain was so extreme with each partner every time, it literally felt like something was definitely going to tear/rip. Best Sex Ever is Salon's advice column on sex, love and relationships.

Painful anal sex